Well Christmas was great, the party in Whitby was fun, the "Mike Show" was in town and I cussed and swore my way through Chris's party, telling stories about Wayne and running amok in Whit... Whit... Whitttt... flowersby wearing a Luchadore mask. My Christmas Eve party also went well, in ture Michael party fashion, people got drunk and it was very memorable, Parkinson and all! I also enjoyed my neighbour telling Kav that he "ruined" Christmas! LOL @ Kav!

I've spent the last three days sitting in shorts, eating chicken, drinking beer and watching kick ass DVDs, thus far I've watched all the Scrubs, My Wife and Kids, three ROH shows, the 1995 Royal Rumble and god knows what else... This truely is the life...

I was trawling through the archives, looking for a post I wrote about some one I used to go to uni with and I pulled up a few great gems... had me giggling away, so I thought I'd pull them together for the front page...

I'm very aware of how certain people seem to have a habit of finding and reading my ramblings, which is why most of my stuff is now written under a pseudo name on another site, after all I'm now a "professional" so my inane rantings about life, people and Wayne have to be written somewhere else. The perfect example of my I now do this, occured when I first returned to University, one lecture back after a 14 month break, I wrote this little piece in my news section... (I thought I'd be safe writing on Joyeux.Biz, I didn't intend on mentioning the site to any one...)

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PE is good firstly because it's done with Jeff Buckles and secondly because it's actually a practical lesson, there's something different about playing Football, Mongrel and Netball in lessons, or my personal favorite so far has to be making games of our own to play. The other great thing about this lesson is Girls running. It's hard to explain in words but it's kinda like the "walking like an Egyptian dance" crossed with "some of that deep shoulder action" from Sister Act; it's so unbelievable funny at times. The other stereotypes of girls being unable to throw and catch ring true for 90% of the class, with the other "very competitive, bordering on psychopathic evil" 10% doing everything in their power to crush anyone who stands in their way. Being given a dead leg last week and almost having my short ripped off yesterday being good examples.

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Then I got an email from some girls who were on my course, who were in that lecture, they found my site through Google... Oh dear...

They said in so many words that they weren't impressed. Sometimes I have to laugh.

Out loud.

However, girls running is still one of the funniest things that you’ll ever see. I know I’m not exactly at the peak of physical conditioning but I do the typically male thing of looking like I know what I’m doing when I exercise, even when I don’t.

Then I found a discussion about "why there are no nice looking people in York" started by Esther, this was while I wasn't living in York, so that'd explain the lack of pretty looking things. After all, some one like me drags up the average...

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Michael: Esther may just be speaking for the girls, but personally I think there's a pretty high percentage of fit lasses in York, especially during the summer months...

...Hmmm...

Happenfool: mike you will be pleased to know that girl of inditerminable age came into work yesterday, and she grew up if you know what I mean!!! Well two parts of her grew outwards more than anything! I think she definitely counts as one of Yorks more beutiful people

Michael: Oh man, I'm sweating now!

The girl whose two extremities were already well above average and more than above average?

Damn!?

Can't wait to work at Jacksons!

Esther: I'm quite disturbed that jackson's is your dating mecca...surely you should never dip your nib in the office ink...

Michael: Jacksons isn't our dating Mecca, it's our Perving Mecca...

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I had to laugh at that one! Totally pwned as my geek brethen would say...

The same search turned up a great article, the rating system for Wayne's mingers!

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When rating a girl; be it one of Wayne's Mingers or some one who actually looks nice, it is important to consider what exactly is being rated.

Some people prefer to rate girls only based on how they look, others rate girls based on their personality. Thus adapting the method of rating workrate we have developed the 5-star system, originated by Norm Dooley and Jim Cornette. It was originally designed to rate workrate. Here's how Joyeux.biz, has described the 5-star rating system

***** Awesome looking lass; probably the girl of your dreams. No flaws.

****1/2 An almost-perfect lass

**** Excellent

***1/2 Extremely good

*** Good

**1/2 Better than average but nothing special

** Average

*1/2 Below average but not atrocious

* Pretty bad, but at least resembing female.

1/2* Terrible, but breathing.

DUD Complete trash to be avoided at all costs.

-stars Not only terrible, but completely offensive to the female race.

So how do Wayne's 2k Minger's rate?

Leigh 1/2*

Emma ***1/2*

Capri *

Zola **

Hailey DUD

The one with the bin bag trousers *

That girl from Swindon *ahem* American ***1/2*

Shellie -***

The woman with the black teeth -*****

Becky ***

That blonde crank **1/2*

Faye **1/2*

Sophie: ***

Lousie (Susan Kennedy/Shellie from Coronation Street) *1/2*

Thus working it out, the average of Wayne's Mingers is * which according to the rankings is "Pretty bad, but at least resembing female".

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Of course, my own bashing of the fairer species has come under a lot of flack... mainly from the fairer species, I naturally had to pull an article up to address this point...

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Okay, so equality between men and women is generally considered to be 'A Good Thing', which it is...but sometimes people, especially those of the female variant, misunderstand this to mean 'Girls Rule', or in the words of Baby, Sporty, Ginger and Scary: "Girl Power!" (to which they, as we all remember only too well, strutted their stuff in the usual melange of leopard print hot pants, spangly bikinis and ridiculously high platform shoes).

Of course it's great that women can now enjoy practically the same rights as men, and women have come a long way in the last couple of decades, now constituting about 45% of Britain's workforce, mainly thanks to "bra-burning" feminists. But have you ever noticed how women get away with so much more than men when it comes to making anti-male comments, and men get brandished a male chauvinist pig as soon as they say anything vaguely pro-male in reply? How many times have you heard females snarl: "all men are pigs!"? Lots, I presume? I'd estimate at least 75% of my female friends have exclaimed this at one man-hating moment or another.

A woman will be celebrated for being pro-woman, sticking up for women wherever possible and supporting women in practically everything they do, but if there's so much as a hint from a man that blokes are alright too, he has to beware of the females lashing back in shock at this totally sexist remark.

Now, I know that women really were to be seen and not heard in the past, and fulfilling "tasks" in the kitchen/bedroom were just about the only things they got to do apart from lunching with lady friends over tea and scones, but some women need to realise that times really have changed for the better. Women really have no need to bitterly complain about how hard it is to be female; anyway, they get away with so much more when it comes to slagging off men as opposed to the other way around.

People often confuse 'equal rights' with women taking over the world and showing men what's what. The word is equality, not revenge... I personally think if women tried to head more towards equality instead of trying to dominate everything, maybe they'd be listened to more often. I don't know if it's possible to be a female anti female/pro male chauvinist pig, but all I am saying is that if there is to be equality between the genders (I do truly believe this to be A Good Thing!), then it shouldn't be girl power, nor boy power, just simple and complete equality between men and women...whether or not this is achievable is another matter entirely!

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Just my bitter thoughts...

Any comments?