Pass and move! Don't hesitate! Shoot! Pass! Tackle! Don't do that! Do this! Argh! Please for heaven's sake! Oh dear! Not again!

I look up as the small and tricky ruffian runs past me, I run after him and try to shoulder barge him into the wall, he merely shrugs me off, turns and buries another shot deftly into the back of the net. Various shouting and screaming occur between everyone concerned, it's almost hopeless, I pick up the ball and put it back onto the centre spot, we kick off and it all goes the proverbial tits up again... We're like some kinda mock team; we all know what we're supposed to be doing but we don't! It reminded me of the ditty story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Somebody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done. But we aren't bottom of the league, so that counts for something...

And I scored!

Here's to next week!

We're like the football equivalent of Wayne's taste in movies. Bikini Bandits? What the? Girls in Bikini's kill Southern American Rednecks? With the same goofy guy in all the scenes? Gay Clown Bandits? To be honest I think there is a market on some random cable channel for not only Wayne's crap movies but watching Wayne watch movies. I can honestly image Wayne sitting in his room, by himself just laughing like a maniac as a roller skating dog goes over a water fall...

...on DVD

Then again, maybe he watches them in absolute silence.

Which to be honest that would be even funnier.

Another thing which I realised last night while watching the 1992 Royal Rumble was that Wrestling is missing a promotion with outragous gimmicks. The WWE, ROH and TNA simply don't cut it any more. I need a wrestling plumber, an evil clown and some sinister Elvis impersonator. We need gimmicks like the bitter call centre worker, the aggressive retail manager and the bus driver with no change. Real life gimmicks! I was on the bus earlier this week and the bus driver was being a real dick. I asked if he had change, he replied no. So I dug deep and pulled out some change, I game him two pound coins and he looked at me as if I had walked into his kitchen and did my dirty business onto his waffles and sausages. He really hated me, I don't know if it was my tie or the way I had jauntly placed my scarf over my shoulders. But he really did hate me, I think he actually threw something at me as I left the bus.

I'm anticipating an argument with the HMV online store about a mixed up order. Now there would only be one way to settle this... Hell in a Cell. With the winner getting either a free Sharpe DVD Boxset or my custom when I next have to purchase something online for a relative.

Hmmm... If only...